Monday, June 27, 2011

There are signs everywhere... pay attention to them.

Yesterday was a rough day for me emotionally as it is every year (read yesterdays post to understand why). I went to church in the morning for my best friends baby's christening and then after that I called my family to see what they were doing. My parents and grandparents were outside of the city visiting the accident where my sister passed (I have never been out there to this day and I don't plan on it anytime soon, she didn't LIVE there so I feel I have no need to see it, also... I don't want to see the place she died, I think that image would haunt me forever) so I made plans to have dinner with them when they came back into town. This left me with a few hours to kill on a Sunday afternoon alone. I decided to go to the mall.

I was in a store trying on a whole bunch of pants and getting really frustrated because nothing was fitting right. After what was probably the 15th pair I got flustered and threw them on the bench and said to myself "Why am I even here??? Why am I in this stupid change room??"

Weird right? Who asks themselves "Why am I in this change room?"

I started putting my own clothes back on when I saw something shiny stuck between the bench cushion and the mirror. I picked it up and it was a loonie (that's a $1.00 Canadian coin for you American readers). I didn't think much of it and put it in my wallet. As I was putting my wallet back in my purse I stopped, hand still on the wallet, and had this strange feeling come over me that I NEEDED to look at the coin. It almost felt like there was a hand or something stopping me from taking my hand back out of my purse.

Now, I have heard many times that coins can be a sign from "the other side" but never had any situations before that made me believe it... until yesterday. (google coins from heaven if you have never of heard of this before)

I took my wallet back out of my purse and took the coin out to look at it.

The year on the coin was the year my sister was born, 1987.

I sat and looked at it for a few minutes and realized... that's why I'm in this change room. My sister knew how much I was missing her and she needed to remind me that she's still here watching over me.

I called my mom right away and cried.

Believe what you want, but in my heart I know the significance of it. Also... I am keeping that coin in a separate pocket of my wallet and I never plan on spending it.

Sunday, June 26, 2011

"Although, the sun will never shine the same, I'll always look to a brighter day"

7 years.
84 months.
364 weeks.
2555 days.

Thats how long it has been.

7 years ago today I lost the younger version of me.
My sister.

One would think that after 7 years it would be easier to write a post like this but as I write this tears are streaming down my cheeks.

As I look through her pictures deciding which ones show her cute little dimples and her spirit the most, I can't help but break down crying. It's day 2555 with out her. Every single one of those days I have wanted to call her and tell her something about my life.

I always wonder what she would be like today?

She would be 24 years old now. She was taken from this world at 17, before she became an adult. Before she ever had the opportunity to get married, or have children... or even graduate high school.

She never knew what it was like to work for any place other than a restaurant. She never knew about blackberrys or twitter or my blog. She never knew about Avatar or So You Think You Can Dance or Lady Gaga (yet I know she would love all of those things). She never got to see me complete my triathlon. She didn't get to come and watch movies all day with me when I broke my leg. I never got to take her out to celebrate her 18th birthday or buy her a drink and dance the night away with her. She never had her first apartment. Or her own pets. Or her own car.

There's a million things she never got to experience. But she did however, get to be my little sister for 17 years. She got to experience 17 springs, summers, winters and falls. 17 birthdays. 17 wonderful years with countless memories.

17 years is not enough... but its what we were given with her and I cherish every single one of them.

I miss her yesterday, today, tomorrow and every day for the rest of my life. Although the memoires of her get me through, the void will never be filled.

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

These are a few of my favorite things! - Vol. I

Danish Coin Pendant Necklace.

My Grandma and I are very close, very much alike and if I turn out to be half the woman she is, my life will be complete.

A few months ago I was over visiting with her and she was trying to decide on which jewelry to pack for the cruise she and my Grandpa are going on. That, of course, turned into her going through ALL of her jewelry for 2 hours. She came across a little pink velvet satchel and didn't know what was inside. When she opened it she said "Oh my! I haven't seen this in years!".

Turns out it was a Danish coin turned into a necklace. Back in 1963, when my grandparents still lived in Germany, my Grandpa had to go to Denmark for work. He bought this for my Grandma when he was there and she wore it for years but when they moved it got packed away and forgotten about.

I was taken by the necklace. By its simplicity and uniqueness. I kept asking more and more questions about it. She put the necklace in my hand and said "its yours now".

I wear it all the time (seriously, chances are if you have met me I am wearing it). I love that its something that no one else has. I love that its from my grandparents who I adore and admire beyond words.


(the coin rotates inside too which is a bonus because I'm always playing with it!)

Ps - Leah? Nat? Does the white hand look familiar?

Friday, June 17, 2011

Kitchen on a budget.

I have been renting my place for a year and a half now... and I *finally* got myself a kitchen table. Yay for me being a grown up!!

Since I have the tiniest area to put a table and a miniscule budget due to the fact that I'm still on the search for a full time job this was quite the daunting task.

I originally posted HERE about how I wanted something/anything green in my kitchen. I searched and searched... and searched for green chairs or even unpainted chairs that I could paint green myself but had no luck. I did find the perfect chairs on my hunt but they were $189 each and sadly that is not in my budget at this time. I looked on kijiji for weeks and found many bar stools but no chairs. I never thought it would be so hard (twss!).

But alas.... yesterday I found all the pieces that put my kitchenette together!!

(i hate that eye-sore black cord... i wish i could hide it some how)

-White table from Ikea - $39.00
(its actually supposed to be a desk but it works perfectly! you could even get white legs for the table and get the price down $29.00)
-2 White chairs from Ikea - on sale right now for $10.00 each!
- Green table runner from Ikea - $4.99
(they have them in a few colors including pink, blue and yellow but THIS was the very last green one that the Calgary Ikea had, I even had to get the girl to take it off the display for me)
-Purple place mat from Bed, Bath and Beyond - $2.00
- Green fruit bowl from Walmart - $1.50
- Pink flower picture from... surprise, surprise... Ikea - $10.00 for the picture and $19.99 for the frame.

Thats a whopping total of $97.48!!!!

Table and decor for less then $100.00.... I'm amaze-balls.
(Ikea had a different but very similar kitchen table set with 4 of the same chairs that I got selling for $119.00... even if I got 2 more chairs I would have still had a better deal!)

So... who's coming over for dinner?

Monday, June 6, 2011

Grandma has a girlfriend???

Odd story for you...

Last summer I went to a funeral with my mom for a family member on my Dad's side of the family. When we were there we chatted with my dad's cousin. I hadn't seen him in years and he was very close with my dad when they were teenagers.

A few days later I was having dinner with my parents when said cousin came up in conversation.

Dad: You know... I always had a feeling he was gay.

Me: What?? Really??

Dad: Yeah... when we were younger I just thought he was.

Me: Well I don't think so. He was even telling us about how he has a cabin and he goes there with his girlfriend all the time.

Mom: Well... that doesn't mean anything, Grandma was married to your dads dad.

Me: I just don't see that... wait.... WHAT??

Mom: What?

Me: What did you just say???

Mom: About what?

Me: Did you just say Grandma was married once? As in... shes gay?

Mom: (just gives me a look of confusion)

Me: .... so you're saying Grandma is gay??

Mom: You didn't know?

Me: NO!! I mean... it makes total sense when you think about it... but how am I JUST finding out about this now?

Dad: Who did you think *insert grandmas girlfriends name here* was?

Me: ........Her roommate? I just thought they were two divorced older women who were lonely and didn't want to live alone. So... they are a couple?? What the hell??

My parents: (laughing at my "roommate" comment)

Me: How is it that I'm 26 and JUST being told about this now???

Mom: I don't know... we thought you knew?

This little bit of information shook me to the core. How was it that at 26 years old the topic of my grandmothers sexuality preference finally comes out?? It baffled me. I mean looking at the whole picture it completely made sense. My grandma divorced my grandpa when my dad was 2 and has never had a male companion for as long as I have been around. She has always lived with *insert girlfriend name here* since I can remember and shes sort of a plaid wearing, men's haircut, not feminine in anyway kinda woman.

I love her the same and it doesn't change my feelings of her as my grandma but its was just strange that that's just how I thought it was... her and her roommate.

I found out later that when she came out, it was in the 70's and society wasn't as accepting as they are now so my dad was embarrassed by the whole concept. He never talked about it and apparently it took him a long time to even tell my mom when they were first dating.

It makes me wonder though... what else don't I know about my family?

Friday, June 3, 2011

Summer Wish List

Vintage-style bathing suits. So adorable!

Anything and everything Nautical!

A cute little (since I don't have a lot of space) kitchen dinette. Something colorful/green/CUTE would be perfect!

(this one would be so ideal if you knew what my kitchen looked like, too bad I found these photos on google and its not actually available anywhere)

A vintage bicycle!! Preferably colorful and WITH a basket.

Anyone else notice the vintage theme going on here?

Also... anyone know of somewhere I can find all or any of these things in Calgary without it costing me an arm or a leg. A flea market?? I only know of the Calgary Farmers Market and I never have luck there for finds like this.

Wednesday, June 1, 2011


A high school reunion should be something one would look forward to. Especially someone like me who had a great high school experience. I had tons of friends, I didn't have any traumatizing experiences (except "Kelly's party" at the end of Grade 11... we don't need to go there). I actually had an amazing time through out my high school years.

But I have zero interest in going to my 10 year reunion this month.

I feel that Facebook has changed the whole point of a reunion. Anyone that I cared to find out how their lives are or what they are up to, I'm already friends with on Facebook. I can look them up at any given time. There's no questions anymore of "I wonder if so-and-so is married or has kids" or "I heard what-his-name moved to Morocco, is that true??". It's all on Facebook for the world (or your friends) to see.

Maybe the real reason I don't want to go is because I have grown up. And by growing up I mean I grew OUT of those so called friends I had in high school. You know... the ones you said you would stay in contact with "forever!!" and haven't seen since the day you graduated. Or maybe you stayed in contact with them, and eventually became roommates which eventually led to the biggest fight/end of a friendship you have ever known and you are still not completely over it because it took your whole life as you knew it and threw it into a whirlwind of chaos and heartbreak and you know that SHE is gonna be there and put on a show of how *perfect* her life is and you will just feel awkward the whole time and probably leave just hating her even more...


No matter what the actual reason is, I just don't feel like going. My best friend is trying to convince me to go with her saying that I might regret not going in the long run.

Thoughts? Did you go to your reunion? Or if its coming up soon, will you?