Wednesday, October 27, 2010

A letter to myself.

I originally wrote this post back in August. I don't know why on that specific day I needed to write it but I did. I told myself that if it ever came to it, I would post it with out changing anything.... so now I am. 

A blog post written for the future. 

Today is Aug 2, 2010.

I am currently falling madly in lust, possibly in love with the "Fisherman".

I know deep down somewhere in my heart that one day it will end. I dont have a clue when that will be but i just feel it.

When i think about him i have the strangest emotional reactions. I feel overwhelmingly happy. His smile, his kiss, his touch, his laugh, his desire for me, they all make me melt. I yearn for him to be beside me. To be with me. I miss him the minute i leave him. When i am with him i cant help but to be close to him and touching him as much as possbile. its almost as if he is my desire for living right now.

Yet when i think about him and the future, i get this strange feeling that i will be experiencing immense heart break. but immense isnt the world to describe it. more like devastating.

i cant explain why i feel this. i just do. its like he will be a chapter in my life. this chapter may last a few months, or maybe a few years, or maybe longer. but i have this gut instinct that one day that chapter will end.

i am hoping that pre-writing this post will jynx any chance of that and i am hoping that this will never be posted.

But if it is, i hope to remember the feeling that i have right now in this moment. completely smitten. complete infatuation. completely carefree. completely falling in love.

So future Mich, if you are looking back for this post and are posting it with heartbreak, remember how wonderful the experience was. remember that he broke through the protective barrier you had around your heart. remember that he showed you how to desire again. remember the music. remember the moments at 3am with him singing you your favorite song on his guitar. remember the way it felt when you woke up in his arms. remember it was all real.

and remember that everything happens for a reason.


Social Science Girl said...

Mich - hope you are doing OK. Sorry to read this -- it takes courage to write and post this.... Thinking of you!

Heathercoo said...

Oh Mich I am crying at work reading this. Something within this post has hit me very hard as I am currently going through the same thing.

I need to practice what you have preached and remember that everything really does happen for a reason.

Rachel said...

Sending you virtual hugs. You are so, SO strong.

Anonymous said...

I know it's hard, but I'm glad you listened to your gut then, and now. Women's intution never lies. And you will be that (and more!) happy again! xo