Saturday, October 16, 2010

Forgive and Forget??

If you have been a WIM reader for a long time (including long before the re-vamp) than you might be familiar with my whole ex-roommate situation.

LONG story short, I lived with 2 of my best friends of 15 years for about 4 years. Things fell apart and basically, after a lot of hurtful things on both ends we haven’t spoken in over a year. One of my other friends is still close with them and she and I have been able to keep our friendship strong through all of it. Her birthday is coming up and even though she hasn’t even mentioned anything about it yet there is a really good chance that the ex-roommates will be there which would make things EXTREMELY awkward, mostly for me.

I have been thinking a lot lately about calling the ex-roommates to rectify things and try to clear the air but I know deep down it wouldn’t change anything and no matter what I said, they wouldn’t understand why things happened the way they did or why I chose to act/react the way I did. I was talking with someone about this whole scenario and she had a great point. She said that the only way a friendship between the ex-roommates and I could ever happened again is if all of us wiped the slate clean and forgot about everything that happened. Basically start over.

But how can one possibly do that?

How do I erase the painful words and actions and all of the emotional stress that it caused me? How do I ignore the fact that people who I thought were my “best friends forever” were so quick to be okay with not ever talking to me again? How do I be the new me with people who only knew the old me?

I know that it’s the “mature” thing to do and it really does make sense, I just don’t have any idea how I could do it.


ÄsK AliCë said...

I understand that it's the "mature" thing to do but in a way I also think you have to think about your own happiness. There is obviously a reason that you aren't friends with these people anymore...why get back into that situation just so that you don't make everyone else uncomfortable?
If you think you could actually wipe the slate clean and forget (AND forgive) everything that was said and done then it's worth it to do that. Much much easier said than done.

Soni said...

An old saying - " There's a pretty good reason why some people of your past are not a part of your present".

Forgive them but don't forget. Their reasoning of why they did what they did might not have changed till now. If it has they will surely make an effort once they see you at the party. If they don't then move on bcoz if i remember correctly, u'v already tried talking to them while u guys were still roommates. Let them make an effort this time.

Pam said...

This one is a tricky one. I went through most of this kind of thing last year, except without the roommate thing.

At first I avoided them like the plague. But then I figured I need to at least become civil with them because we had many mutual friends. So at a function (where there were many witnesses incase they went ape crazy) I told them that "I'm putting the crap behind me, and I will be civil with you in public"

I honestly don't think I can ever wipe the slate clean and forget. Too much happened and I think that is where you are at - for both sides. I think all you can expect from them and yourself is to be civil and move on from here.