Sober October - the results

Well... its the end of October. And I was alcohol free for 98.5% of it. 

Due to emotional complications there were a few (3 times) when a glass of wine was MUCH needed and the absolute best choice I could have made. Other than that I was completely alcohol free but I will say that my emotions were put to the test this month. 

I was under a ridiculous amount of stress regarding work. One of my best friends and her husband moved away to New Zealand and... well... The Fisherman and I ended things. 

Considering all of these factors, I think I did pretty darn good with Sober October. 

As I mentioned when I originally wrote about doing Sober October, I in no way have any problems with drinking. Its a social thing for me. Beer at trivia, wine with girlfriends, fun nights out. The whole concept was sort of a test for me to deal with my emotions with out using alcohol as an escape. I think I did pretty good. 

A letter to myself.

I originally wrote this post back in August. I don't know why on that specific day I needed to write it but I did. I told myself that if it ever came to it, I would post it with out changing anything.... so now I am. 

A blog post written for the future. 

Today is Aug 2, 2010.

I am currently falling madly in lust, possibly in love with the "Fisherman".

I know deep down somewhere in my heart that one day it will end. I dont have a clue when that will be but i just feel it.

When i think about him i have the strangest emotional reactions. I feel overwhelmingly happy. His smile, his kiss, his touch, his laugh, his desire for me, they all make me melt. I yearn for him to be beside me. To be with me. I miss him the minute i leave him. When i am with him i cant help but to be close to him and touching him as much as possbile. its almost as if he is my desire for living right now.

Yet when i think about him and the future, i get this strange feeling that i will be experiencing immense heart break. but immense isnt the world to describe it. more like devastating.

i cant explain why i feel this. i just do. its like he will be a chapter in my life. this chapter may last a few months, or maybe a few years, or maybe longer. but i have this gut instinct that one day that chapter will end.

i am hoping that pre-writing this post will jynx any chance of that and i am hoping that this will never be posted.

But if it is, i hope to remember the feeling that i have right now in this moment. completely smitten. complete infatuation. completely carefree. completely falling in love.

So future Mich, if you are looking back for this post and are posting it with heartbreak, remember how wonderful the experience was. remember that he broke through the protective barrier you had around your heart. remember that he showed you how to desire again. remember the music. remember the moments at 3am with him singing you your favorite song on his guitar. remember the way it felt when you woke up in his arms. remember it was all real.

and remember that everything happens for a reason.

Forgive and Forget??

If you have been a WIM reader for a long time (including long before the re-vamp) than you might be familiar with my whole ex-roommate situation.

LONG story short, I lived with 2 of my best friends of 15 years for about 4 years. Things fell apart and basically, after a lot of hurtful things on both ends we haven’t spoken in over a year. One of my other friends is still close with them and she and I have been able to keep our friendship strong through all of it. Her birthday is coming up and even though she hasn’t even mentioned anything about it yet there is a really good chance that the ex-roommates will be there which would make things EXTREMELY awkward, mostly for me.

I have been thinking a lot lately about calling the ex-roommates to rectify things and try to clear the air but I know deep down it wouldn’t change anything and no matter what I said, they wouldn’t understand why things happened the way they did or why I chose to act/react the way I did. I was talking with someone about this whole scenario and she had a great point. She said that the only way a friendship between the ex-roommates and I could ever happened again is if all of us wiped the slate clean and forgot about everything that happened. Basically start over.

But how can one possibly do that?

How do I erase the painful words and actions and all of the emotional stress that it caused me? How do I ignore the fact that people who I thought were my “best friends forever” were so quick to be okay with not ever talking to me again? How do I be the new me with people who only knew the old me?

I know that it’s the “mature” thing to do and it really does make sense, I just don’t have any idea how I could do it.

Do blondes really have more fun?

Ive been thinking about changing my hair color and thanks to the magic of the internet I can see what the colors would look like with out having to make any decisions/mistakes.

So my lovely bloggy friends, I would love to know your opinions.

This is what my hair currently looks like.

Do i take it DARKER? A la Angelina Jolie/Katy Perry

Or maybe a little more reddish... a la the Little Mermaid? LOL

Or... do I make a drastic change and go BLONDE!!!

A reminder for myself.

I wrote this poem over a year ago. I was on my way to work and the words just kept coming. As soon as I got to work a grabbed a notepad and just kept on writing. I was at an eye-opening point in my life and I knew that things were changing for the better.


Live.

When you least expect it
You’ll feel the spark.
It will pull you in from the cold,
Shine light into your dark.

Sights, sounds, tastes,
Will all seem brand new.
You can face the world with your head held high
… Confident in you.

But how? You wonder.
How can you make this be?
Take a long look in the mirror
… See what I see.

Every wrinkle, spot or line.
Every freckle… all part of a design.
It’s what makes you who you are,
What makes your face different than mine.

Can you just imagine,
What’s deeper inside?
Every feeling, every heartbeat,
Everything your body can hide.

No one else can be you.
They can’t even try.
So again, look in the mirror,
Take a deep breath and sigh.

Be true to yourself.
Be true to your soul.
Wake up every morning
With an exquisite life as your goal.

Let the past be the past,
Tomorrow is a new day.
Start with loving yourself
And your life will change in everyway.

Sober October

Every now and then we need to clear our minds and our bodies and basically get our selves back in order. 

Its October 1st. The start of a new month. The perfect time to hit refresh. 

One of my best friends decided she was going not going drink for all of October. With all of the stress I have been under over the last month or so (not to mention the emotional breakdowns) my first thought when she told me that was "there is no way I can do that right now!" Not because I drink a lot at all, just because the thought of going out and having a few (or 8) drinks to unwind on the weekends sounded perfect. 

But then I thought about it and drowning my problems in Gin is not the answer. Facing my "stress" head on, clear minded and not distracted is the answer. Its time to let it all come to the surface instead of suppressing my stress and it all boiling over in ridiculous emotions out bursts. 

So... I decided to join her in what has been dubbed Sober October. 

Its not the non drinking that I am worried about, its the decisions that I am hoping to make over the next month or so and all the deep thinking I plan on doing. 

My wallet, liver and future plans are thanking me already.