Note to self:

Dear Mich,

I know you are freaking out inside about meeting up for coffee with your old roommate /ex-best friend tomorrow. I know that you wouldn’t be meeting with her if it wasn’t for the fact that both of you are going to be in your best friends wedding party together and you don’t want awkwardness for all of the upcoming events that you not only have to attend together but plan as a cohesive team together as well.

I know it kills you inside that even after two years she still didn’t call you to try to sort things out and you still had to be the one to make the call for this meeting.

I know that it tears you apart that she won’t ever fully comprehend the hurt and pain she caused you. And that even after all this time she probably still doesn’t even care.

But what you, dear Mich, need to remember is that you are in a wonderful place in your life. You have the most amazing circle of support around you. You have a great job that you look forward to going to every day. You have a wonderful new man in your life that fills every ounce of your day with sunshine. And you are stronger and more confident then you have ever been in your entire life. You are doing fantastic.

This meeting with her is something so miniscule that it can’t even touch the happiness you experience everyday. If it goes good then great, everyone is happy. If it doesn’t then great too! You know that whatever you will say will be honest and from the heart. If she doesn’t get it then that’s her own issue. You can’t control that.

Hold your head high tomorrow. Remember that everyone who picked you back up when she kicked you down two years ago are all still behind you. And the new people you have added to your life since are right there too.

Everything will be okay.

Sincerely,

Mich

Unexplainable.

She walked into the bar.

Two friends at her side.

One of them celebrating his birthday.

The reason why they came to this bar in the first place.

He says someone he knows is also at the same bar.

The three of them walk around to find this person she has never met.

She spots a tall, handsome man across the room.

He is wearing a white collared shirt, jeans and dark framed glasses.

Something about him draws her in.

Her friend is still searching for the person he knows.

She prays he's at the same table as the guy in the glasses.

Her friend finally spots his friend...

Her heart skips a beat as he heads over in the direction of the man she's so curious about.

He's at the same table as the guy in glasses.

They get introduced and eyes lock immediately.

She is taken back by the instant attraction.

She puts her purse down on the table and pulls up a chair.

They strike up a conversation.

The rest of world fades away....

This & That Summer Recap (so far...)

Oh hey there...

I've been completely MIA from the blog world over the last 2 months because I have been insanely busy and more importantly soaking up as much summer fun I possibly can.

In short form:

- I finally got a new job and its fantastic!

- I get to walk home everyday from work for about an hour which makes me so ridiculously happy. I get to soak up the sun, I get to work on strengthening my leg (mostly my knee at this point), I get to de-stress and listen to my music in my own world after work everyday. Needless to say its brought my happiness levels up about 20 notches.

- Two of my dear friends moved away to the other side of the country. Two. With in a month. It sucks the big one because they are amazing, wonderful, loving friends and I will miss seeing them as much. But... Love Liberates so I will love them if they are here, or if they are on the other side of the world.



- I have been going to summer festivals, and swimming again, and running, and rafting, and hiking, and enjoying every possible outdoor/physical activity I can do at this point.

- I booked a few trips including one to Vegas with my family for my moms 50th bday next month.

- I fulfilled my teenage dreams but seeing NKOTBSB in concert and it was insanely fun. To the point where I lost my voice the next day from screaming of excitement.

- I've started helping my best friend plan her wedding.

- I have seen Horrible Bosses twice already... its epic. GO SEE IT NOW!!

- I have a million other things I want to blog about but I can't... some days (like today) I wish my blog was still anonymous so I could just spill it all. But in time I will...

- Also, I may have met the most special person I will ever meet in my life... more on that later...

There are signs everywhere... pay attention to them.

Yesterday was a rough day for me emotionally as it is every year (read yesterdays post to understand why). I went to church in the morning for my best friends baby's christening and then after that I called my family to see what they were doing. My parents and grandparents were outside of the city visiting the accident where my sister passed (I have never been out there to this day and I don't plan on it anytime soon, she didn't LIVE there so I feel I have no need to see it, also... I don't want to see the place she died, I think that image would haunt me forever) so I made plans to have dinner with them when they came back into town. This left me with a few hours to kill on a Sunday afternoon alone. I decided to go to the mall.

I was in a store trying on a whole bunch of pants and getting really frustrated because nothing was fitting right. After what was probably the 15th pair I got flustered and threw them on the bench and said to myself "Why am I even here??? Why am I in this stupid change room??"

Weird right? Who asks themselves "Why am I in this change room?"

I started putting my own clothes back on when I saw something shiny stuck between the bench cushion and the mirror. I picked it up and it was a loonie (that's a $1.00 Canadian coin for you American readers). I didn't think much of it and put it in my wallet. As I was putting my wallet back in my purse I stopped, hand still on the wallet, and had this strange feeling come over me that I NEEDED to look at the coin. It almost felt like there was a hand or something stopping me from taking my hand back out of my purse.

Now, I have heard many times that coins can be a sign from "the other side" but never had any situations before that made me believe it... until yesterday. (google coins from heaven if you have never of heard of this before)

I took my wallet back out of my purse and took the coin out to look at it.

The year on the coin was the year my sister was born, 1987.

I sat and looked at it for a few minutes and realized... that's why I'm in this change room. My sister knew how much I was missing her and she needed to remind me that she's still here watching over me.

I called my mom right away and cried.

Believe what you want, but in my heart I know the significance of it. Also... I am keeping that coin in a separate pocket of my wallet and I never plan on spending it.

"Although, the sun will never shine the same, I'll always look to a brighter day"

7 years.
84 months.
364 weeks.
2555 days.

Thats how long it has been.

7 years ago today I lost the younger version of me.
My sister.

One would think that after 7 years it would be easier to write a post like this but as I write this tears are streaming down my cheeks.

As I look through her pictures deciding which ones show her cute little dimples and her spirit the most, I can't help but break down crying. It's day 2555 with out her. Every single one of those days I have wanted to call her and tell her something about my life.

I always wonder what she would be like today?

She would be 24 years old now. She was taken from this world at 17, before she became an adult. Before she ever had the opportunity to get married, or have children... or even graduate high school.

She never knew what it was like to work for any place other than a restaurant. She never knew about blackberrys or twitter or my blog. She never knew about Avatar or So You Think You Can Dance or Lady Gaga (yet I know she would love all of those things). She never got to see me complete my triathlon. She didn't get to come and watch movies all day with me when I broke my leg. I never got to take her out to celebrate her 18th birthday or buy her a drink and dance the night away with her. She never had her first apartment. Or her own pets. Or her own car.

There's a million things she never got to experience. But she did however, get to be my little sister for 17 years. She got to experience 17 springs, summers, winters and falls. 17 birthdays. 17 wonderful years with countless memories.

17 years is not enough... but its what we were given with her and I cherish every single one of them.

I miss her yesterday, today, tomorrow and every day for the rest of my life. Although the memoires of her get me through, the void will never be filled.