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There are going to be times in life where you feel really down on yourself. Where it seems like nothing is going right and you just aren’t happy.

We need these times.

I believe that if we don’t know how it feels to be down in the dumps and on the verge of depression, we can’t fully comprehend and appreciate the feeling of actually being happy and content.

Since the beginning of this year I have been feeling down. The little energy I have had was directed to the Get Fit Challenge I am organizing at work. Every Monday, Wednesday and Friday I lead a lunch time work out and I have to be that positive voice to keep everyone motivated. I am a good actor apparently because outside of the image I put on at work for everyone else… I didn’t feel so positive.

I was in a funk. I didn’t leave my house unless I had to. I didn’t hang out with any of my friends. My best friend pretty much had to beg me to go for coffee earlier this week. That’s not the normal me.

I lost sight of the light in my life. I felt like I had nothing really to look forward to when I know that’s clearly not the case. I hibernated in order to not face the rest of the world, even the people who love me the most.

I went to a yoga class yesterday for the first time in about 3 years. During the class… I cried. The instructor read a quote at the beginning of the class about being present in your life and making every action count like it would be your last act on this earth. I realized I haven’t been LIVING the last 2 months. I’ve just been. I breathed deeply, listened to the instructors’ voice, listened to my body breathing and felt energy surging through my veins. And then I felt the tears flowing down my cheeks. I felt more alive and present and valuable than I have in a long time. I walked out of the class feeling rejuvenated. Like someone re-lit my inner flame.

A new month starts tomorrow and I feel that it’s finally my start of 2013. Let’s go.

Let's be honest...

Lately I've been feeling so angry.
I wake up angry. I face the day angry. I go to bed angry.

And I don't even know why.

I take it out on... everyone. Even people who don't deserve it.

I can't pinpoint why I'm unhappy. Or when I started feeling this way. Or when I acknowledged it.
Which means that right now... I don't know how to fix it.


....


On my wall in my living room is a painting I made a few years ago with a quote from Romeo and Juliet:

"Seek happy nights through happy days".

Maybe I should start paying attention to the things I write and put in front of my own face... I must have put them there for a reason...

Bored.

So many times over the last few weeks I've said to myself "I am going to blog today.".
I open the beautiful blank canvas that is a new post.
And nothing.
No words come to me.
No thoughts.
No creativity.

My life has been very boring lately.

Wake up.
Go to work.
Eat fruits and veggies.
Work out.
Make Dinner.
Watch Jeopardy.
Sleep.
Repeat.

Boring.

And then last week I injured my back. Which means I have barely left the couch/bed for the last 4 days.

I'm in a rut and I need something to pull me out of it.

26 candles...

 Today would have been my sister's 26th Birthday...

... I hope there are cupcakes and balloons in heaven today.

Careful not to trip over your imaginary veil…

Weddings.

One would think that from how many times I have blogged about my friend’s weddings recently, I would have my future wedding already planned out from where and when I would get married, what I would wear, what we would eat, etc. etc., just insert groom here.

That is not the case.

I have maybe 3 or 4 sentimental things that I know I want in my wedding or incorporated on my wedding day but that’s it.

I feel like planning a wedding out before you are engaged is bad luck. In fact I avoid all things wedding on Pinterest for this exact reason.

Just because at 14 years old we thought we wanted to get married in a huge princess dress with fairy sparkles and N’Sync playing as we walked down the aisle… it doesn’t mean that’s what we are going to want as an adult.

Weddings are about two people celebrating the commitment of their futures together. 
Two people.
Two different personalities.
Two different styles.
Two lives… becoming one.

A wedding should reflect and embrace that combination. It should reflect who the two of you are together. The lives you live. The things that are important to each of you, individually and together. And most importantly why you love each other.

I can definitely tell you that a princess dress and fairy sparkles are NOT why I love my boyfriend. And if he one day becomes my husband… there absolutely wont be any fairy sparkles… they would just get caught in his beard.

Weddings are a special, wonderful, magical time. And I believe that, when the time is right, we should embrace the chance we get to plan the day to celebrate marrying the person you love more than anyone else in the world.

Love is different for each couple. Love is one of the most amazing emotions we get to experience as people and no one can define your love for someone else but you. A wedding is the time to express that and share that feeling with your friends and family.

It’s not about the cake or how tall it is. It’s not about how much you spent on the wedding or how big your white dress was or that you had it at the most lavish vineyard you have ever heard of. It’s about being so lucky in life that you found someone who is your other half and you can’t imagine living the rest of your life without them. So much so that you want to read aloud your vows… in front of everyone you know… that you are two souls now joined as one.

You can’t plan that day before you truly feel that way. 

Maybe my theory is wrong. And maybe its why at almost 30 years old, I’m not married or engaged. But you know what… I’m okay with that. It will happen for me when it’s the right time. And it will be great.