Friday, March 29, 2013

Negative Nancy's

A while back I was having a conversation with someone about pregnancy. And age.

This person is a few years younger than me (I will be 30 this year) and apparently has very different views on pregnancy than me. At the time of this conversation she had been married for about a year and trying to have a baby... totally normal right? Except that she was trying everything in her power to get pregnant AS SOON AS POSSIBLE like the world was going to end or like her window for having a baby was ending in 6 months. I was trying to be a supportive friend and saying things to her like "don't worry, it will happen when its meant to happen" (because thats how I truly feel life works) and she was talking about surrogacy and adoption. After only a year or so of trying. At age 25. Like seriously...

Anyways... to each their own.

She proceeded to tell me about how much the rate of a successful pregnancy drops after the age of 35. I responded with "well... I'm almost 30 and not married nor planning to have kids anytime soon. So changes are I will be close to 35, if not over, by the time I have a baby. I don't really think there is anything wrong with that... I understand if we were talking about someone who is in their late 40's or almost 50, but so many women are having babies later these days and I am totally on board with that. Especially since I will probably be one of them".

Long story short... she went on to tell me that its "cruel to get pregnant after the age of 35". And that "age is a degenerative disease." She asked "would you want to get pregnant knowing you have a degenerative disease like cancer or something and would probably die when your child was still young?".


Ouch.

I politely ended the conversation because I was truly in shock at the time and didn't know what to say with out ending a friendship. But its been a few months now and my response is finally something I can put into words, even if its only on my blog and not to her face.

First of all... every single one if us gets older every second of the day. So there's no getting out of that "degenerative disease". Suck it up princess.

Second... if you are so scared about being old and dying too young... you are going to suck at that whole parenting thing. That shit is way scarier than getting old and you are going to worry every damn day about dying. Or your kids getting hurt. Or even dying. And every other type of thing parents worry about. Thats called life. Deal with it.

Third... who do you think you are to tell me I would be "cruel" to have a baby after 35? How do you know what kind of mom I would be? I know for damn sure that if I was to have a baby now (or even where I was at in my life 5 years ago... yikes!) I wouldn't be ready. Not mentally, emotionally or financially. I know most people "will never be ready" but I am like really no where near ready. Im just starting to get my shit together and no baby should have to suffer through my life organization phase. Thats like inviting people over for a party when you are cleaning and prepping the day before. Ain't nobody else need to see that.

If she is ready to have a baby at a younger age than me (or thinks she is ready...) than all the power to her. But don't ever tell me that I'm a cruel person to wait until I know that I am ready.

End rant...


6 comments:

Casey Palmer said...

Yeahhhhhh... we're on the cusp of 30 in a few months and I've seen that freakout in action, like her eggs will spontaneously die as soon as 30 hits. Oy vey.

Fortunately, I've done enough in this life that I'm not completely freaking out at the thought of procreating, but I dunno. Some women are on this freaking out bandwagon, while others recognize that one's life doesn't revolve around whether or not they have teh bebbies.

Ginger Mandy said...

Yeesh...

Yea, a lot of women seem to feel that way, but I think it's becoming a little outdated to worry so much about having a baby before 30 because more and more women are having kids in their mid-late 30s and doing just fine. She sounds a little naive to be having kids now, anyway :/

Lady Jewels Diva® said...

She's young, she's an idiot. God help her when she does have kids and then she'll be saying she shouldn't have had them and she can't deal with them.

Then you can throw it back in her face and tell her "bitch, you wanted them, suck it up and deal with it"!

terra said...

It boggles my mind that women think it's cool to tell other women what needs to be going on with their bodies. It's my uterus. If I want something it, I'll see to it when the time is right for ME, thank you very much.

Chele76 said...

dude... she is a moron. actually, I have less respectful words going through my head right not, but out of respect of your friendship you have with her, I will bite my tongue.

People are idiots.

P said...

She sounds like a moron.

I'm 33 and single so if I choose to have kids it's extremely unlikely to happen before 35. So I guess she'd be judging me then.

That's fine though cos I'm already judging her for her narrow-minded idiocy.