30 Before 30 List - the (almost) halfway point update

I am about halfway through the year I gave myself to accomplish everything on my 30 Before 30 list and I think I'm doing pretty good so far! 

30 Before 30

1 – Host a dinner party for 6 people. - Not crossed off yet but I plan on having an outdoor dinner later in the summer :) 

2 – Lose at least 30 lbs - Working on it... 

3 – Lay on a beach in the sun while drinking margaritas 

4 – Blog 30 days in a row

5 – Sing karaoke - CHECK! Sang Shania with the bride at a wedding last weekend. It was quite the show. LOL 

6 - Have $_____ in savings (I know the number but I don't think I need to put it onto my blog) - About half way to the goal. Right on track. 

7 - Celebrate my 30^th b-day in style! - Can't be checked off until the end of the year obvs. 

8 – Write a good chunk of my book - This is a work in progress. And it has been on my mind a lot lately. I need to take a few days to myself and type out what is all in my head. 

9 – Host a theme party - I have plans... oh do I have plans! But for later in the year. 

10 – Have a completely Sober October

11 – Do something that is completely selfless - Not quite sure if I am counting this as my "selfless act" but I just gave away about half of my wardrobe. FIVE suitcases worth. 

12 – Do something that scares me - CHECK! Done a few so far this year: Went into this CREEPY (at first) cave at Ainsworth Hot Springs, still need to blog about that trip! And I also pet a manta-ray in Vegas! 

13 – Send 5 people cards for no reason in particular except to make their day.

14 – Forgive my sister…

15 – Wear red lipstick (not on Halloween)

16 – Write a poem that I’m proud of

17 – Fly a kite

18 – Play hooky from work and get day drunk

19 – Watch every movie that has won an Academy Award for Best Picture (already started this one! If you want a copy of the list let me know) - This is a work in progress, I've watched 27 out of 85 so far. 

20 – Create a funny youtube video. - CHECK! There are actually 3 or 4 different videos technically. BiSC was truly amazing. 

21 – Try 10 foods I’ve never had before. - CHECK! - dried mango, gnocchi, Shamrock Shake, spaghetti squash, buffalo, fennel, crawfish, ever-clear, biscuits and gravy, snapper. 

22 – Sign up for a fitness class and attend all classes. No excuses. - CHECK! - Zumba, two rounds. Boom! 

23 – Cook a new recipe every month. One that I’ve never tried before. - Right on track! January was a buffalo chicken meatloaf. February was roasted butternut squash soup. March was scalloped corn. April was roasted spaghetti squash and then May was a spicy turkey spaghetti sauce on spaghetti squash. Can you tell I really like spaghetti squash now? 

24 – Go on a vacation, somewhere hot. - CHECK! ... VEGAS!!!! 

25 – Put a tag/sticker on ALL articles of my clothes and shoes. If I don’t wear it by the end of the year, get rid of it. - I didn't put stickers/tags on but I went through EVERYTHING a few weeks ago when I was getting rid of a lot of clothes so I know what I have worn this year and what I haven't yet. 

26 – Try to only wax my legs for the whole year, no shaving. - Totally been doing this all year and it's been awesome so far. I may even stick with this forever? 

27 – Buy coffee for the person behind me in line at Tim Horton’s. - CHECK!

28 – Teach someone something new. - CHECK! Taught a few people how to gamble in Vegas! 

29 – Figure out the “art” of liquid eye liner. - CHECK! 

30 – Drink tea everyday. - Been pretty much on track with this too! 

All it takes is a seed… and a little love.

A few months ago I spearheaded a Get Fit Challenge at my office. My goal was to get people moving and more aware of the healthier choices they can make on a day to day basis. I really didn’t know at the time what would become of it but I was determined to try.

In January I got the challenge going and “planted the seed”. With a bit of motivation and support that still seems to be growing every week, that little seed has become a full grown tree!!

Our group has grown in numbers and what started out as three or four people working out together has turned into a big group that does workouts together three times a week. Because we have all worked so hard the last few months most of us are able to go jogging now on our lunch hours. Something a lot of us couldn’t do three months ago. We also have a Zumba instructor that comes to teach a class once a week (who I found through Twitter… the internet is amazing!).

The official challenge was for three months and was based on percentage of weight loss. The lady who won lost over 26 pounds!! She came to me after and said “If it wasn’t for your motivation this whole time I wouldn’t have been able to stick with this”.

The other day in Zumba I had a beautiful moment. I looked around the room during one song and saw 15 women dancing, laughing, sweating and being active. I got chills. None of this would have happened if I didn’t plant the seed at the beginning of the year.

Motivation is something that spreads when you give it to others. Happiness is something that spreads even quicker. This challenge is a reminder to me that when you put effort into something, it can grow and become the most wonderful, rewarding thing.

The challenge wasn’t just about weight loss for me. It was about feeling better, getting healthier and building a better team atmosphere in my office. Check, check and CHECK!

Negative Nancy's

A while back I was having a conversation with someone about pregnancy. And age.

This person is a few years younger than me (I will be 30 this year) and apparently has very different views on pregnancy than me. At the time of this conversation she had been married for about a year and trying to have a baby... totally normal right? Except that she was trying everything in her power to get pregnant AS SOON AS POSSIBLE like the world was going to end or like her window for having a baby was ending in 6 months. I was trying to be a supportive friend and saying things to her like "don't worry, it will happen when its meant to happen" (because thats how I truly feel life works) and she was talking about surrogacy and adoption. After only a year or so of trying. At age 25. Like seriously...

Anyways... to each their own.

She proceeded to tell me about how much the rate of a successful pregnancy drops after the age of 35. I responded with "well... I'm almost 30 and not married nor planning to have kids anytime soon. So changes are I will be close to 35, if not over, by the time I have a baby. I don't really think there is anything wrong with that... I understand if we were talking about someone who is in their late 40's or almost 50, but so many women are having babies later these days and I am totally on board with that. Especially since I will probably be one of them".

Long story short... she went on to tell me that its "cruel to get pregnant after the age of 35". And that "age is a degenerative disease." She asked "would you want to get pregnant knowing you have a degenerative disease like cancer or something and would probably die when your child was still young?".

Ouch.

I politely ended the conversation because I was truly in shock at the time and didn't know what to say with out ending a friendship. But its been a few months now and my response is finally something I can put into words, even if its only on my blog and not to her face.

First of all... every single one if us gets older every second of the day. So there's no getting out of that "degenerative disease". Suck it up princess.

Second... if you are so scared about being old and dying too young... you are going to suck at that whole parenting thing. That shit is way scarier than getting old and you are going to worry every damn day about dying. Or your kids getting hurt. Or even dying. And every other type of thing parents worry about. Thats called life. Deal with it.

Third... who do you think you are to tell me I would be "cruel" to have a baby after 35? How do you know what kind of mom I would be? I know for damn sure that if I was to have a baby now (or even where I was at in my life 5 years ago... yikes!) I wouldn't be ready. Not mentally, emotionally or financially. I know most people "will never be ready" but I am like really no where near ready. Im just starting to get my shit together and no baby should have to suffer through my life organization phase. Thats like inviting people over for a party when you are cleaning and prepping the day before. Ain't nobody else need to see that.

If she is ready to have a baby at a younger age than me (or thinks she is ready...) than all the power to her. But don't ever tell me that I'm a cruel person to wait until I know that I am ready.

End rant...

...

There are going to be times in life where you feel really down on yourself. Where it seems like nothing is going right and you just aren’t happy.

We need these times.

I believe that if we don’t know how it feels to be down in the dumps and on the verge of depression, we can’t fully comprehend and appreciate the feeling of actually being happy and content.

Since the beginning of this year I have been feeling down. The little energy I have had was directed to the Get Fit Challenge I am organizing at work. Every Monday, Wednesday and Friday I lead a lunch time work out and I have to be that positive voice to keep everyone motivated. I am a good actor apparently because outside of the image I put on at work for everyone else… I didn’t feel so positive.

I was in a funk. I didn’t leave my house unless I had to. I didn’t hang out with any of my friends. My best friend pretty much had to beg me to go for coffee earlier this week. That’s not the normal me.

I lost sight of the light in my life. I felt like I had nothing really to look forward to when I know that’s clearly not the case. I hibernated in order to not face the rest of the world, even the people who love me the most.

I went to a yoga class yesterday for the first time in about 3 years. During the class… I cried. The instructor read a quote at the beginning of the class about being present in your life and making every action count like it would be your last act on this earth. I realized I haven’t been LIVING the last 2 months. I’ve just been. I breathed deeply, listened to the instructors’ voice, listened to my body breathing and felt energy surging through my veins. And then I felt the tears flowing down my cheeks. I felt more alive and present and valuable than I have in a long time. I walked out of the class feeling rejuvenated. Like someone re-lit my inner flame.

A new month starts tomorrow and I feel that it’s finally my start of 2013. Let’s go.

Careful not to trip over your imaginary veil…

Weddings.

One would think that from how many times I have blogged about my friend’s weddings recently, I would have my future wedding already planned out from where and when I would get married, what I would wear, what we would eat, etc. etc., just insert groom here.

That is not the case.

I have maybe 3 or 4 sentimental things that I know I want in my wedding or incorporated on my wedding day but that’s it.

I feel like planning a wedding out before you are engaged is bad luck. In fact I avoid all things wedding on Pinterest for this exact reason.

Just because at 14 years old we thought we wanted to get married in a huge princess dress with fairy sparkles and N’Sync playing as we walked down the aisle… it doesn’t mean that’s what we are going to want as an adult.

Weddings are about two people celebrating the commitment of their futures together. 
Two people.
Two different personalities.
Two different styles.
Two lives… becoming one.

A wedding should reflect and embrace that combination. It should reflect who the two of you are together. The lives you live. The things that are important to each of you, individually and together. And most importantly why you love each other.

I can definitely tell you that a princess dress and fairy sparkles are NOT why I love my boyfriend. And if he one day becomes my husband… there absolutely wont be any fairy sparkles… they would just get caught in his beard.

Weddings are a special, wonderful, magical time. And I believe that, when the time is right, we should embrace the chance we get to plan the day to celebrate marrying the person you love more than anyone else in the world.

Love is different for each couple. Love is one of the most amazing emotions we get to experience as people and no one can define your love for someone else but you. A wedding is the time to express that and share that feeling with your friends and family.

It’s not about the cake or how tall it is. It’s not about how much you spent on the wedding or how big your white dress was or that you had it at the most lavish vineyard you have ever heard of. It’s about being so lucky in life that you found someone who is your other half and you can’t imagine living the rest of your life without them. So much so that you want to read aloud your vows… in front of everyone you know… that you are two souls now joined as one.

You can’t plan that day before you truly feel that way. 

Maybe my theory is wrong. And maybe its why at almost 30 years old, I’m not married or engaged. But you know what… I’m okay with that. It will happen for me when it’s the right time. And it will be great.

30 Before 30... The List.

Last week I turned 29. Which means that I have one year to complete this list I created over the last few months. So lets get to it shall we? 

30 Before 30

1 – Host a dinner party for 6 people.

2 – Lose at least 30 lbs

3 – Lay on a beach in the sun while drinking margaritas

4 – Blog 30 days in a row

5 – Sing karaoke

6 - Have $_____ in savings (I know the number but I don't think I need to put it onto my blog) 

7 - Celebrate my 30^th b-day in style!

8 – Write a good chunk of my book.

9 – Host a theme party

10 – Have a completely Sober October

11 – Do something that is completely selfless.

12 – Do something that scares me.

13 – Send 5 people cards for no reason in particular except to make their day.

14 – Forgive my sister…

15 – Wear red lipstick (not on Halloween)

16 – Write a poem that I’m proud of.

17 – Fly a kite.

18 – Play hooky from work and get day drunk.

19 – Watch every movie that has won an Academy Award for Best Picture. (already started this one! If you want a copy of the list let me know) 

20 – Create a funny youtube video.

21 – Try 10 foods I’ve never had before.

22 – Sign up for a fitness class and attend all classes. No excuses.

23 – Cook a new recipe every month – one that I’ve never tried before.

24 – Go on a vacation, somewhere hot. 

25 – Put a tag/sticker on ALL articles of my clothes and shoes. If I don’t wear it by the end of the year, get rid of it.

26 – Try to only wax my legs for the whole year, no shaving.

27 – Buy coffee for the person behind me in line at Tim Horton’s.

28 – Teach someone something new.

29 – Figure out the “art” of liquid eye liner. 

30 – Drink tea everyday. 

I will let you know how it progresses! 

p.s. - I totes need to blog about my birthday... it was truly the most magical day! And about Christmas. And about my 2012 in review. Oye... I just need to blog in general! 

Pondering...

Lately I’ve been feeling bored, like I am supposed to be doing something. Maybe this feeling has come over me because for most of 2011/2012 I was helping my best friend plan her wedding. It took up a lot of my time and thought. At the same time I was in the beginning stages of a new relationship. Any time that wasn’t spent working, or helping my friend, was spent with him.

Now that the wedding is over and the boyfriend and I have moved in together I feel like I have all this free time on my hands and I don’t know what to do with myself.

I could take up a hobby but to be quite honest, I am on a strict budget right now with a goal of being debt free at the end of 2013 in my clear vision. Also I REALLY want to go to BiSC in May and on a vacation with the man somewhere too so any extra money is being put into vacation funds.

This feeling has got me thinking.

Yesterday I spent the afternoon at a friend’s house with a big group of people watching the Western Final CFL game (Go Stamps!!). Some of our friends brought their kids. I ended up getting distracted from the game and spent most of the afternoon playing “shopping” and “hairdresser” with 2 of the little girls there. I was in heaven.

So all last night and this morning I kept thinking about my age. And how if certain events in my life turned out differently, I could probably be married by now with a baby or two.

Is that why I am feeling the way I am? Should I have kids already? I feel like I am no where near ready for anything like that. But I just wonder…

What's the plan, Stan?

My best friend is getting married this summer and the other day we were talking about how she wants to have kids soon, probably with in the next 2 years. She went on to tell me about her “life plan” and how she wants to have kids before she’s 30 and all that jazz. She then asked me “Do you ever think about that stuff? Do you have a plan like that?”

I laughed a bit and said “hell no…!!”

She was taken back a bit by that. “Really? You don’t have a plan? Don’t you want to get married and have kids?”

Nope. I don’t have a plan. And yes I do want to get married…one day, no time soon though. And I really don’t know yet if I want to have kids. And guess what, it’s not absurd to feel that way either. I’m 28 years old now, and I have never been in a relationship with someone who I felt I wanted to start a family with. I’ve been on my own for the last 7 years and its pretty awesome. I don’t have to worry about anyone but myself. (I care about a lot of people; I mean that I’m not responsible for anyone but myself).

If you would have asked me 3 years ago what my plan was I would have said this…

“I want to date someone for at least a year before moving in together, and then live together for about a year before even thinking about engagement. Probably take a year to be engaged and plan a wedding. Then be together for about 2 to 3 years before having kids. I’m 25 now so if I want to have kids by the time I’m 30 then I would have to meet my future husband… *calculating*…. yesterday!”

Obviously THAT plan didn’t pan out…

I’m okay with that.

Life is an adventure. I will know when I’m ready to get married and maybe even have kids but that time isn’t now. And it won’t be mapped out in a life plan. It will just happen.

The One Where I Recap the Craziest Year of my Life.

I started WIM about 5 years ago now and every year I write a post in December recapping what came about in my life that year. 2011 by far was the craziest year with the most extreme highs and extreme lows I have ever gone through.

Lets recap shall we?

January

- Planned on starting 2011 fresh from all the craziness that happened in 2010 and spent most of my time going to the gym and I even started training again to do another triathlon.

- It didn't last long because...

February

- slipped on the ice on a random Monday, broke both bones in my lower left leg. Had to have emergency surgery and have a steel rod and screws put into my leg. Couldn't walk for the next 2 months.

- A week after breaking my leg, I was "let go" from my job. (illegally).

- Lost most of my independence (or at least it felt like I did), at 27 years old I had to have my mom help me in and out of the shower, and I even had to have my roommates help put my socks on for me when I was cold because I couldn't bend my knee. Having one leg broken, the other being used for balance and both arms and hands being used to hold yourself up on crutches is hard. its damn hard.

- Spent the rest of the month on my couch, pretty much depressed and feeling sorry for myself.

- A few weeks after breaking my leg the disastrous Tsunami in Japan happened. Since all I could do was sit at home anyways and watch TV, I watched A LOT of the news coverage. The very next day I got my sorry ass up off the couch and realized that I had only broken my leg. I was going to recover and everything would be fine eventually. I had no reason to be depressed. A million and one worse things could have happened to me. I could lost my entire world around me like the people in Japan. Or worse, my actual life. From that point on I wasn't going to feel sorry for myself and I was going to take advantage of every day.

March

- Spent most of the month recovering. Tried my best to get around on crutches. By the end of the month the doctor told me I could try to walk again.

- Attempted to apply for jobs but it was really hard to apply for jobs when i was having issues getting around and still couldn't drive either.

April

- Still limping around, I started working shifts at my part time job. It worked out well for me as they were short shifts and it made for an easy transition back to working.

- The opportunity to go to Bloggers in Sin City in May came about. I had tried to convince other blogger friends that I know to go with me but there were no takers, so I did what any unemployed smart person would do... I booked a flight and at the very last minute registered myself to go to Vegas with 67 strangers. I didn't know it at the time but it was one of the best decisions I have ever made.

May

- My best friend of 15 years got engaged and I was blessed enough to help her now-fiance plan a big surprise and pull off what was a romantic and extremely sweet proposal/engagement party. (read this for more details).

- A few weeks later I got on a plane, a little scared (okay... more than a little) and went to Vegas to meet some A-MAZING people!! I feel that that trip gave me my spark back. I felt like I had lost a little of myself over the last few years and doing something that spontaneous and kinda crazy gave me my zest for life back.

June

- One of my very close friends told me she decided to move back home to Ontario in a month. I didn't take it very well at first. And then...

- The very next day my other very close friend told me she was leaving her husband and going to move back home to Montreal, THAT DAY. I was torn because I knew she was unhappy here but I was devastated to learn that another person in my close support group was leaving.

July

- I finally got a full time job and things started to look like they were getting back to "normal" for me. Boy was I wrong...

August

- In one weekend, (yes... all in one weekend) a friend of mine who is married confessed that he was in love with me and told me that he wanted to leave his wife and that entire part of his life to be with me. Although I care deeply for this friend I would never do that. Ever. Then later on that exact same night I went out to celebrate a friends birthday and ended up meeting someone that would completely steal my heart.

- I spent the rest of the month falling head over heels for him.

- I also ended up going for coffee with my old roommate/ex-best friend who I really didn't want anything to do with BUT her and I are both in my best friends wedding party together and I needed to clear the air between us. I would say it was semi-successful. Things are civil now which is great but its not like we are friends again.

September

- This new guy who stole my heart... broke it. Then stole it again. Then broke it once more.

- I went to Las Vegas again with my family to celebrate my moms 50th birthday.

- I surprised my dear friend who lives all the way on the other side of the country by showing up for her bachelorette party weekend in Niagra Falls.

October

- I let myself to get over the heartbreak that took over my summer and ended up meeting someone new. Someone wonderful.

November

- Went to Toronto to attend the most beautiful wedding I have ever seen let alone could even imagine on my own.

- I reunited with 3 of the sweetest, most genuinely beautiful and kind souled women I have ever known. (3 lovely ladies that moved across the country from me over the last 2 years).

- Most importantly I learned that no matter the distance between you, true friendships will prevail.

December

- I turned 28 and was blessed by all the love that surrounded me.

- Had what was probably the best Christmas ever.

- Realized that the best part of my year was the last 2 months... and I'm hoping the magic continues on into 2012.

28.

Yesterday was my 28th birthday.



I’ve learned that by the age of 28 you know who is important in your life. They will be the ones to call you to wish you a Happy Birthday, even if it’s just a 30 second phone call from across the country. They know that hearing their voice for those 30 seconds will make your day. The people who care will send you a birthday card (an actual physical one you can hold in your hand and have for years). They will put in more effort than just a facebook wall post. That one phone call or one card is a million times better than 50 wall posts.

I’ve learned that age is nothing but a number… and although that number is getting higher, so is my count of amazing memories and times of laughter with the people I love.

I’ve learned that broken hearts heal. And that when you question, even for a second your importance on this earth God will send you a sign to remind you just how special and loved you truly are.

I’ve learned that you are going to have to deal with rude, stupid, ignorant people in your life but you have to do just that, deal with them and move on. It will make you stronger in the end.

I’ve learned that just because I have a blog doesn’t mean I have to post anything. It’s my own little corner of the internet and I can post whenever and whatever I want. On that note… I’ve also realized that this is my blog and I shouldn’t have to censor what I write incase certain people read it and they don’t want to be mentioned. Guess what… you are/were in my life and if you were part of something I feel like blogging about I am going to do it. Deal with it. If you don’t like what I have to say then stop reading.

I’ve learned that you can’t ever predict what life is going to throw your way so be prepared for curveballs. It’s what makes it all interesting.

I’ve learned that love can move mountains.

And most importantly I’ve learned that it will all be okay in the end. And if it’s not okay, its not the end.

What have you learned in your time?

Note to self:

Dear Mich,

I know you are freaking out inside about meeting up for coffee with your old roommate /ex-best friend tomorrow. I know that you wouldn’t be meeting with her if it wasn’t for the fact that both of you are going to be in your best friends wedding party together and you don’t want awkwardness for all of the upcoming events that you not only have to attend together but plan as a cohesive team together as well.

I know it kills you inside that even after two years she still didn’t call you to try to sort things out and you still had to be the one to make the call for this meeting.

I know that it tears you apart that she won’t ever fully comprehend the hurt and pain she caused you. And that even after all this time she probably still doesn’t even care.

But what you, dear Mich, need to remember is that you are in a wonderful place in your life. You have the most amazing circle of support around you. You have a great job that you look forward to going to every day. You have a wonderful new man in your life that fills every ounce of your day with sunshine. And you are stronger and more confident then you have ever been in your entire life. You are doing fantastic.

This meeting with her is something so miniscule that it can’t even touch the happiness you experience everyday. If it goes good then great, everyone is happy. If it doesn’t then great too! You know that whatever you will say will be honest and from the heart. If she doesn’t get it then that’s her own issue. You can’t control that.

Hold your head high tomorrow. Remember that everyone who picked you back up when she kicked you down two years ago are all still behind you. And the new people you have added to your life since are right there too.

Everything will be okay.

Sincerely,

Mich

"Although, the sun will never shine the same, I'll always look to a brighter day"

7 years.
84 months.
364 weeks.
2555 days.

Thats how long it has been.

7 years ago today I lost the younger version of me.
My sister.

One would think that after 7 years it would be easier to write a post like this but as I write this tears are streaming down my cheeks.

As I look through her pictures deciding which ones show her cute little dimples and her spirit the most, I can't help but break down crying. It's day 2555 with out her. Every single one of those days I have wanted to call her and tell her something about my life.

I always wonder what she would be like today?

She would be 24 years old now. She was taken from this world at 17, before she became an adult. Before she ever had the opportunity to get married, or have children... or even graduate high school.

She never knew what it was like to work for any place other than a restaurant. She never knew about blackberrys or twitter or my blog. She never knew about Avatar or So You Think You Can Dance or Lady Gaga (yet I know she would love all of those things). She never got to see me complete my triathlon. She didn't get to come and watch movies all day with me when I broke my leg. I never got to take her out to celebrate her 18th birthday or buy her a drink and dance the night away with her. She never had her first apartment. Or her own pets. Or her own car.

There's a million things she never got to experience. But she did however, get to be my little sister for 17 years. She got to experience 17 springs, summers, winters and falls. 17 birthdays. 17 wonderful years with countless memories.

17 years is not enough... but its what we were given with her and I cherish every single one of them.

I miss her yesterday, today, tomorrow and every day for the rest of my life. Although the memoires of her get me through, the void will never be filled.

Kitchen on a budget.

I have been renting my place for a year and a half now... and I *finally* got myself a kitchen table. Yay for me being a grown up!!

Since I have the tiniest area to put a table and a miniscule budget due to the fact that I'm still on the search for a full time job this was quite the daunting task.

I originally posted HERE about how I wanted something/anything green in my kitchen. I searched and searched... and searched for green chairs or even unpainted chairs that I could paint green myself but had no luck. I did find the perfect chairs on my hunt but they were $189 each and sadly that is not in my budget at this time. I looked on kijiji for weeks and found many bar stools but no chairs. I never thought it would be so hard (twss!).

But alas.... yesterday I found all the pieces that put my kitchenette together!!

(i hate that eye-sore black cord... i wish i could hide it some how)

-White table from Ikea - $39.00

(its actually supposed to be a desk but it works perfectly! you could even get white legs for the table and get the price down $29.00)

-2 White chairs from Ikea - on sale right now for $10.00 each!

- Green table runner from Ikea - $4.99

(they have them in a few colors including pink, blue and yellow but THIS was the very last green one that the Calgary Ikea had, I even had to get the girl to take it off the display for me)

-Purple place mat from Bed, Bath and Beyond - $2.00

- Green fruit bowl from Walmart - $1.50

- Pink flower picture from... surprise, surprise... Ikea - $10.00 for the picture and $19.99 for the frame.

Thats a whopping total of $97.48!!!!

Table and decor for less then $100.00.... I'm amaze-balls.

(Ikea had a different but very similar kitchen table set with 4 of the same chairs that I got selling for $119.00... even if I got 2 more chairs I would have still had a better deal!)

So... who's coming over for dinner?

Reunions.

A high school reunion should be something one would look forward to. Especially someone like me who had a great high school experience. I had tons of friends, I didn't have any traumatizing experiences (except "Kelly's party" at the end of Grade 11... we don't need to go there). I actually had an amazing time through out my high school years.

But I have zero interest in going to my 10 year reunion this month.

I feel that Facebook has changed the whole point of a reunion. Anyone that I cared to find out how their lives are or what they are up to, I'm already friends with on Facebook. I can look them up at any given time. There's no questions anymore of "I wonder if so-and-so is married or has kids" or "I heard what-his-name moved to Morocco, is that true??". It's all on Facebook for the world (or your friends) to see.

Maybe the real reason I don't want to go is because I have grown up. And by growing up I mean I grew OUT of those so called friends I had in high school. You know... the ones you said you would stay in contact with "forever!!" and haven't seen since the day you graduated. Or maybe you stayed in contact with them, and eventually became roommates which eventually led to the biggest fight/end of a friendship you have ever known and you are still not completely over it because it took your whole life as you knew it and threw it into a whirlwind of chaos and heartbreak and you know that SHE is gonna be there and put on a show of how *perfect* her life is and you will just feel awkward the whole time and probably leave just hating her even more...

Maybe.

No matter what the actual reason is, I just don't feel like going. My best friend is trying to convince me to go with her saying that I might regret not going in the long run.

Thoughts? Did you go to your reunion? Or if its coming up soon, will you?

Love is in the air...

So... remember last week when I posted about the "Dream Love List"? Well... when I posted that I knew a secret.

I knew that last night by best friends boyfriend was going to propose to her. And that he was going to do it at a restaurant. And that right after he caught her off guard and proposed to her, he would lead her blindfolded to a different room downstairs at the restaurant where 30 of their closest friends and family were waiting to surprise her and celebrate the magical moment.

It was spectacular. I talked to her this morning and she told me it was by far the greatest night of her life. That gives me chills. I was so beyond grateful to be able to help plan and pull off the big surprise.

I can't wait to help her plan her big day, the day we have talked/dreamed/planned about since we were 12.

I can't wait to see her marry the man of her dreams.

Love... is amazing.

ATL... How does he do that?

Anyone remember ATL?

Well, last year he was sort of a big part of my life. He was my kryptonite and even though I knew that he was bad, BAD news I couldn't resist him.

Then his true asshole colors showed and I cut him out of my life. For months afterwards he would randomly text me from numbers I didn't know. Every time he did my heart jumped a little.

Then I met The Fisherman and I knew I had moved on.

Somehow after months and months of no contact he decided to text me a few weeks after The Fisherman and I broke up.

HOW did he know? Seriously how on earth did he just know that I was in a vulnerable state and that if he sent me a text with his BBM pin that I would add him. And how did he know that seeing his picture and talking with him after a year would make me question possibly seeing him again?

Well... I was weak for a bit but after a few days I gave my head a good shake and knew what I would have been getting myself into. So I deleted him and moved on again.

And THEN last weekend I went to my work Christmas party and a group of us decided to head to a bar near by for our own after party. Guess who of ALL people works at said bar. Yep... ATL. Damn it.

I try to break free and the universe starts dangling him in front of me again.

Although he is verrrrrrry tempting, I am staying strong. I don't need to go down roads I've already travelled.

Instead I am moving on to better new things. Like Mac.

(details on Mac coming soon)

Forgive and Forget??

If you have been a WIM reader for a long time (including long before the re-vamp) than you might be familiar with my whole ex-roommate situation.

LONG story short, I lived with 2 of my best friends of 15 years for about 4 years. Things fell apart and basically, after a lot of hurtful things on both ends we haven’t spoken in over a year. One of my other friends is still close with them and she and I have been able to keep our friendship strong through all of it. Her birthday is coming up and even though she hasn’t even mentioned anything about it yet there is a really good chance that the ex-roommates will be there which would make things EXTREMELY awkward, mostly for me.

I have been thinking a lot lately about calling the ex-roommates to rectify things and try to clear the air but I know deep down it wouldn’t change anything and no matter what I said, they wouldn’t understand why things happened the way they did or why I chose to act/react the way I did. I was talking with someone about this whole scenario and she had a great point. She said that the only way a friendship between the ex-roommates and I could ever happened again is if all of us wiped the slate clean and forgot about everything that happened. Basically start over.

But how can one possibly do that?

How do I erase the painful words and actions and all of the emotional stress that it caused me? How do I ignore the fact that people who I thought were my “best friends forever” were so quick to be okay with not ever talking to me again? How do I be the new me with people who only knew the old me?

I know that it’s the “mature” thing to do and it really does make sense, I just don’t have any idea how I could do it.

Sober October

Every now and then we need to clear our minds and our bodies and basically get our selves back in order. 

Its October 1st. The start of a new month. The perfect time to hit refresh. 

One of my best friends decided she was going not going drink for all of October. With all of the stress I have been under over the last month or so (not to mention the emotional breakdowns) my first thought when she told me that was "there is no way I can do that right now!" Not because I drink a lot at all, just because the thought of going out and having a few (or 8) drinks to unwind on the weekends sounded perfect. 

But then I thought about it and drowning my problems in Gin is not the answer. Facing my "stress" head on, clear minded and not distracted is the answer. Its time to let it all come to the surface instead of suppressing my stress and it all boiling over in ridiculous emotions out bursts. 

So... I decided to join her in what has been dubbed Sober October. 

Its not the non drinking that I am worried about, its the decisions that I am hoping to make over the next month or so and all the deep thinking I plan on doing. 

My wallet, liver and future plans are thanking me already. 

Serenity... who knew it was possible?

Yesterday after work I came home and before heading out for a drink with some friends I took some time to snuggle on the couch with my kitten (who is quickly turning into a cat and no longer a kitten).

I was laying there all sprawled out. Jeopardy on in the background, kitten purring and intertwined thru my arms and took a deep breath.

I was so compeltely content and I realized its because I have absolutely no drama in my life. None, nada, zip, zero, nothing.

And I made it that way.

I realized that I took all the things in my world that were stressing me out and I either fixed them or got rid of them. (The job change is still in the works but its not stressing me out). I took the necessary steps to make MY life better. Along the way, some didn’t understand and eventually were no longer part of my life. Others stood by me and not only supported me but pushed me to make the positive changes I needed to. It was hard at times. It was eye opening and it was definitely an emotional roller coaster. But now I am happy. Blissfully happy.

Recently something came up that put my “growth” to the test. It was a he-said-she-said situation regarding someone very close to me. At first I didn’t know how to react so I took the advice my dad has given me for years. “Before you act, take 30 seconds to really think about it”. I took more than 30 seconds, I took a couple of hours. And eventually made the right reaction decision. A year ago I would have just reacted and, in this specific situation, probably caused some uneccessary comotion. Instead, because I took the time to think before I acted I chose to react in a way that dealt with the issue head on and in turn left no drama for me. Once the air was cleared and everything was sorted out, I knew I made the right choice.

I'm not trying to give advice in this post, or brag about how happy I am. That’s not my intention at all. I just want to put it out there that positive changes can happen when you make them happen. We cant control the world around us, the only thing we can control is our actions and reactions to the world around us.

Friendships

A while back I was talking with a friend about how much our friends and circles of friends have changed over the last little while. How we have been trying to hold on to friendships that we have had since we were 11 years old. Some of those friendships are very difficult and yet we try our best to make them work. She told me something that her boyfriend told her and it really struck a cord with me. 

He said something along the lines of "Look at my circle of friends. How many of them did I go to high school with or have known forever? Maybe one or two of them. Thats because when we are young our friends are chosen by location and convenience. As in our neighbours, or school mates. We didn't have a choice, now we do." 

This made a lot of sense to me. Especially since I have outgrown half of the people I was friends with in high school. Think about it, when we were 7 the only other kids we interacted with were the kids in the neighbourhood and the kids in our class. That's it. Those were our options. Now maybe some of those kids grew into wonderful people we actually have things in common with and should be friends with. But maybe not. Maybe we just stayed friends with these people because we thought we were supposed to. Its not like we had jobs at that age and met new people all the time. Its not like we had cars and could drive across the city to hang out with a new friend. We depended on our parents and our surroundings. 

I am 26 now. I have a world full of people I could be friends with. I opened my heart and mind to meeting new people and because I opened up I met amazing new friends through blogging and through work. Friends that I would do anything for and tell anything to. Friends I trust and admire and respect more than they could ever understand. Friends that I met because I stepped out of my comfort zone. 

Its an exhilarating feeling...